Me
12/01/98 03:08 PM
To:
A Friendcc:
Subject: Re: (Document link not converted)
Hello [A Friend],
We would like to examine your masterpieces you have at your place. Yes, 2
of us.
Please make :-) the necessary arrangements like red carpet, abalone, Bird's
Nest soup, Strawberry Short Cake, etc, etc, etc.
Please revert on receipt.
She even refused to hold my hand while we were below my friend's flat.
She didn't notice (or maybe she did) but I was crying (and holding back my tears) while we were in the cab. However, I did let her know I was unhappy but did not tell her the reason. I said she should know. She should have. It was so obvious!
Me
12/02/98 12:36 PM
To: [eeeeeee]
cc:
Subject: Our [A Friend]
The following response is typical of our dear friend.
---------------------- Forwarded by Me on 12/02/98
12:34 PM ---------------------------
[A Friend] on 12/02/98 09:21:14 AM
To: Me
Hi [Me] and [eeeeeee],
thanks for visiting.....
come visit us again soon.. we need another picture for our bedroom.
[eeeeeee]
12/02/98 12:57 PM
To: Me
cc:
Subject: Re: Our [A Friend] ie (Document link not converted)
Ayoooh
Their wish shall be granted soon.
How soon?
Let him know that we do not mind giving him another one.
But only upon the birth of their first baby.
In other words, the sooner [GGGG] give birth, the sooner their wish shall
be granted.
Ask him how about that?
Me
12/07/98 01:22 PM
To:
Friendscc:
Subject: Hi Guys.
How are you guys ?
Feeling very blue at work. Wish you have a different (i.e. happier) one
from mine.
Just me feeling wu liao.
Me
12/07/98 01:23 PM
To:
A Friendcc:
Subject: Lunch on Wed ?
Shall we have lunch on Wednesday ?
Meet you at same place. 12:35pm.
Regards.
Me
12/07/98 02:38 PM
To:
A Friendcc:
Subject: Re: (Document link not converted)
That's the reason why I'm so blue. I'm not bored, as a matter of fact.
[eeeeeee]
12/07/98 03:29 PM
To: Me
cc:
Subject:
Could not catch hold of you since last night.
What happen?
[eeeeeee]
12/07/98 04:16 PM
To: Me
cc:
Subject:
Get the picture now. Won't disturb u anymore.
I didn’t know what she meant. What picture did she get ?
I was avoiding her because I was disappointed. I was trying to give her up gradually. She did not show me any care and concern the whole of last week.
Anyway, I phoned her at her office at around 6pm from Orchard Road. I couldn’t bear to ignore her like the previous times. I told her we should talk - that it’s very important. She said she agreed it’s important. However, I found myself bargaining with her on the time and venue although she knew I was apparently angry with her. Then, I told her something like "I’m not waiting, I’m going away". I told her to come to my void deck at 10pm to talk.
She took the easier way out : she didn’t turn up. She said her parents had an argument and she could not come down. And she said since I did not wait and was going away, there was no need to meet. I lost my cool (deleted). And I insisted that she come down to my void deck immediately (as she had said the day before) since it was very important, she didn’t.
However, she had said she wanted to talk to me the next day. But she did not try to look me up AT ALL the next day.
Later at night, I cried very badly. I phoned her - STILL CRYING - and asked her just "why?". And she answered sleepily, (quote) "why what ?". I was shattered. I hung up.
Me
12/08/98 08:48 AM
To: A Friend
cc:
Subject: RE: (Document link not converted)
See u during lunch.
[A Friend] on 12/09/98 12:48:08 PM
To: Me
cc:
Subject: RE:
don't be sad, boy...
na de qi, fang de xia... (can pick up, also can put down)
come to my place and watch VCDs....
Me
12/09/98 01:35 PM
To: [A Friend]
cc:
Subject: RE: (Document link not converted)
Her temperament is very bad. She's probably like that because of the unhappy marriage of her parents. Her father has a woman and daughter outside. She's very overbearing. But that I can try to manage. The last straw happened last week.
She knew I couldn't sleep well as I was sick. We quarelled last wed - because of a joke that we were poking at each other. I told her we had to work it out and not ignore me totally because that's going to make me worse. If I was in the wrong, I would apologise - which I did although I was not at fault. She eventually ignored me and cut the conversation short. That night, I couldn't sleep well again. The next morning, she called me a couple of times and said she loved me. Then that same night, she said she was unwell. I wasn't with her. She went home and we talked on the phone again. On Fri morn, she said she would be working on Saturday and will be attending a friend's birthday party on Sun. Friday night after her work, she went for Karaoke with her friends until late at night. On Saturday after work, in the midst of our conversation, she said she will not be thinking about me. She went shopping with her mom. And there are other little details, of course.
Throughout the whole of last week that I was not well, she didn't show any care. Whether there will still be a chance or not, it fully depends on her. On my side, this is really it.
I will like to join you all guys. Don't want to stay alone.
[eeeeeee]
12/10/98 08:40 AM
To: Me
cc:
Subject:
FYI
I went to see a doc yesterday and was advised to see a cardiologist.
For this minor reason in your eyes, I paged for u several times and even put 99 and called u at your house this morning.
That's all I want to tell u this morning. You need not call me back already. (I know u won't)
See u.
She apparently chose the timing – her timing – even for something that she considered "very important".
I saw her during the fire drill. She looked sick. Everybody said so. My heart softened.
That night, we went to Pizza Hut and McDonalds at Potong Pasir area. I enquired about her health. She said she had to take medicine and if there was no more pain, she would not need to go for an operation at the cardiologist’s. Otherwise, she had to. But the impression I had was that she was not too overly concerned about her health – well, not as much as I was.
Me 12/11/98 11:41 AM
(Embedded image moved to file: PIC13570.PCX)
To: [A Friend]
cc:
Subject: Re: (Document link not converted)
You won't believe it easily, I guess.
Things are back to normal. As in, both ok.
When I was in a cab with her from Taka coming out to Orchard Rd, I told her Orchard Rd was so bright. I said there was so many decorations around. I had not and I would like to walk down Orchard Rd to take in the feative mood.
She said there was nothing to look at actually. I was very disappointed. She didn't notice (or maybe she did) but I was crying (and holding back my tears) in the cab.
After dinner at Chili's, we went back to Shenton Way in a cab together. She was supposed to be attending a wedding dinner with her mom at Nobel House. I went there together with her because I was insistent. I din want to part with her. Maybe, I was too possessive because we had 'just patched up' the day before. While we were in the lift, she met a few relatives and I quickly distanced myself from her because I could see she was not comfortable. Anyway, she din talk to me fom then on. I left the lift before them. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to be introduced.
About an hour later, she paged me. I had just reached the Bus Interchange opposite my place. I quickly returned call to her. She couldn't hear my voice over her handphone clearly and she had to walk out of the dining hall. She said all eyes were on her when she was coming out. People were also asking when's her turn to get married. She also told me she had just realised who the bride or bridegroom was - her former classmate.
One day, she brought her sister to Le Salon for hairdo. I told her I was keen to see her sister. Of course, I had actually meant to get to know her. I was desperately seeking to know her through someone else that knows her.
When I reached Taka, she paged me and she told me over her handphone where she was. I thought she would be at the Salon but she was not. She had gone to a storey below. Shortly after I met and chatted with her, I told her I was trying to buy some Christmas gifts. However, she went to a jewelry shop alone. I left feeling disappointed.
There was a long line-up of stalls outside Taka. I was trying to buy something but I was very sad. Those people around me were so happy and fully immersed in the festive mood. I found myself in tears. I was very sad. I just kept walking round and round. She was so near but yet seemed so far from me!
Later she paged me, I held back my tears and took a bit of time before I returned her call. I told her I was just outside. She said if I were to go up to the salon, I would be able to see her sister from outside the salon. I was shocked! I wanted to know her sister! I wanted to be known as well! Even if she had felt it was not the right time, she should not have done what she had done. She was only asking me to go all the way up JUST to see her sister! What ? Who's the VIP? I was even more sad. Tears were welling up once again.
Later, I told her I was going to shop at Bishan. I was trying to buy a Christmas gift (Garfield-related maybe) for her but I was constantly in tears. Very sad.
On 12 Dec 1998 (Sat), she was at my place. We were very intimate. Suddenly, she said she had to be in the office in half an hour's time - by 3:30pm. She said she had to leave in a cab. I said I was going to the office also. I alighted from the cab in front of the office building. She went to China Square to meet her colleagues instead - who were supposedly there waiting for her. Later, at around 6pm, I called her dept lines a few times. No one answered the phone. I was very sad. At around 9:45pm, I was at China Square, looking for her frantically. I was in tears. She paged me. I asked to see her immediately. I met her at the McDonalds near her flat. I saw her having several big bags with her. I was angry and sad. I kept my cool and confided in her. She tried explaining that they were in the office briefly and they did not want to pick up any calls because they did not want anyone else to know.
I did not try to date her that weekend but she paged me at about 3pm that Fri afternoon. I did not know where to bring her to - so many restrictions imposed by her. Finally, we talked of going to Copthorne Novotel. At 4pm, I was at Copthorne. I phoned her on her handphone to find out where she was. While she was on the way to join me, I requested for a change of room as that one was facing a construction site.
MANGO PUDDING and HOT AND SOUR SOUP are her all-time favourites.
I bought them for her upon her requests that night.
On Saturday morning around 1am, she made a request which I felt offended by. I explained to her. She wouldn’t listen. She got angry and violent. No matter how much and hard I tried, she would not budge.
She laid the toilet-bowl seat and sat herself on it looking in the direction of the shower waiting for me to shower in front of her. She was fuming... I rejected her request! I felt she was not respectful towards me.She threw tantrums... She even hit her head with a hanger very hard. I was very sad and very worried. I told her "she had to cherish herself. If not, how would I dare to love her". On hearing that, she took her things and dashed out of the room.
I caught up with her. But she didn’t want to talk to me. She was very busy with her anger.
I wanted to send her up her flat. She was not willing. (
She has always forbidden me from sending her to her flat). She still did not want to talk to me.I managed to send her up and out of her lift. But she was very violent in the lift. I stood looking at her moving away from me. I wasn't going to leave but she came up to me and asked me to leave. I was very sad and angry and I left feeling so.
I wandered below her block for some time. I was confused, and devastated.
Later, she paged me. I continued to talk to her for about 45 minutes below her block, telling her that she should not have behaved in that manner – that she should have understood me.
- - -
Later that afternoon, she paged me from office. I happened to be in Orchard Rd looking for a bear jewelry as a Christmas gift for her. We went to Lingzhi Rest for High-Tea.
Amidst our conversation, she said actually I doted on her. When we left, it was raining but we had good fun at the taxi-stand. She sent me to Suntec City. I was going to Carrefour. Actually, I was very tired already but had to buy a gift for a friend. When I parted with her at Suntec, it was around 5pm. And that was going to be the last I saw of her as a 'friend'! I left to meet my other friends - REAL friends. She left for home.
She paged me a couple of times while I was at Carrefour. She said she was making handicrafts for my Christmas present. That night at my friend's place, she paged me a couple of times again. On one occasion when I returned her call, she insisted that I had to tell her what Christmas gift I had in mind for her. I told her. She said she had many earrings already and she did not prefer a bangle.
The next day, that Sunday, she said she was making coasters for me and my friends as well. That night, she asked why exactly I was on leave from Monday till Wednesday. I said I was also planning our own Christmas Celebrations [1]. She suggested we go to Sentosa after work on Christmas Eve and have Karaoke among ourselves late at night. And on Christmas Day, she’s going to leave home for a chalet early in the morning with her University friends until the following day. She insisted that we decide on our Christmas plans there and then. I was not too happy with that.
At 1am that night, in the midst of a long conversation, she suddenly asked me how I had wanted to tell the other guy. I told her I was worried about her health – as I had been all the time. I told her I did not want to lose her COMPLETELY in that manner – at the expense of her health. I said I felt she’s still handling 2 relationships at one time and it’s not easy. If she had to be with him on some occasions, she could tell me frankly rather than looking hard for excuses. Her excuses had hurt me badly because I didn't believe her lousy excuses . I felt we all had to be truthful to each other. I said sooner or later, he had to know as it would then be fair to him (and to me). [Of course, I know now she chose to be unfair to me ONLY]
She asked me to think for him – that he would be hurt. But I said "how could I? So unfair". I said I could not promise her not to let him know but she had to let him know herself. I felt we were very constructive and had wanted to talk to her more so that we all wouldn’t feel hurt. But she cut short the conversation and said she would like to continue that conversation later.
I was confused. I didn’t sleep well.
On Monday morning around 7am, we talked. She was cheerful. She asked me to email her some job advertisements.
That whole Monday morning, I felt something was wrong because she did not call me at all. When I called her after lunch, she said she was most unhappy. She had told him and was going to tell him more. I asked her to meet that night, she said she couldn’t.
I felt betrayed. She was supposed to talk to me in more detail first. I didn’t want to have any misunderstandings or feel hurt. I was on leave from Monday till Wednesday but I could not enjoy my leave because she kept me waiting in the lurch.
That night, I wandered below her block from 10pm till 1am. I called her from below her block. Her line was engaged. When I finally got in touch with her, she was not herself. She was not willing to talk. She could only say she had to sort out her own problems first. She asked whether I was outside. I said "yes". And we ended the conversation.
I realised her balcony lights had just been switched off around 1 am. I phoned her again. She was still not willing to talk. She could only say she would talk to me later. I asked whether she would want me to go away for a while. I thought maybe I should go out of the country for a while and let her have the space of time to decide. She seemed unattentive. She didn’t even ask where I was.
On Tuesday around 7:15 am, I called her asking whether we can talk. She said "later". And that was all she had wanted to say. Then I insisted that we really needed to talk. She said she would talk to me tonight. But she did not tell me when, where, and how.
Later in the morning, I sent her a lengthy email ... about my wait.
I called her after 9pm that night. She said she was talking to [Arrrrr].
When she called me back later, she called my English name in full. That scared me. She said "I love him and want to be with him only". I was very sad. I was also very angry with the way she made her choice. She left me waiting in the lurch for 2 days even though I had been asking her to talk to me and she had said she would.
Later, I tried to be friends [1] [2] with her. I had no choice but to respect her decision. I didn’t want to lose her completely. She refused to see me. She also refused friendship [1] [2]. JUST BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER HEALTH ?
Anyway, just about 2 weeks back, I had wanted to break off with her. But she chose to come back to me. Since this time round, as she had said, she had made her decision also, why couldn’t we be friends [1] [2] ? I didn’t want to be left ALONE - feeling hurt. All the while, I had treated her as a friend [1] [2] anyway. I always showed my care and concern.
From: Me
To: <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: Scanned Articles
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1998 12:59:01 +0800
Darling,
How's your day ?
Hope the attachments can be of help.
Please note :
- You can click Start-->Accessories-->Paint to invoke Microsoft Paint to
view and print (if you would like to) the scanned articles.
- Use the Page Setup in Microsoft Paint to set the image to A4 size for
best results.
- You may page me after 2pm. Otherwise, please call my room or main line
direct.
I'll be emailing you a couple of others shortly after this.
Miss U.
From: Me
To: <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: Scanned Articles #2
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1998 13:02:53 +0800
The second instalments are attached.
From: Me
To: "[eeeeeee]" <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: 2 articles
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1998 14:45:46 +0800
The following was taken Singapore Job & Employment JobBank @
http://www.jobbank.com.sg/
The first being much more relevant to you but the closing date is tomorrow.
-------
Date Posted:11/12/98
Company Name: [deleted]
Job Category:Professional/Executive
Job Title:Senior Human Resources Officer
Remuneration:
Education:Good honours degree
Job Requirements:At least 3 years' industry experience.
Job Description:Review and development of HR policies, systems and
procedures.
Closing Date:22/12/1998
Send Application To: [deleted]
[deleted]
------------------------------
Date Posted:4/12/98
Company Name: [deleted]
Job Category:Others
Job Title:Human Resource Executive
Remuneration:Education:Degree/Diploma in HR
Job Requirements:2-3 years' relevant experience. Experience in designing
training programmes preferred.
Job Description:Assist in various areas of the training function like
initiating training needs analysis, planning and coordinating training
programmes and developing training materials.
Closing Date:26/12/1998
Send Application To: [deleted]
[deleted]
From: Me
To: "[eeeeeee]" <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: Please read in private.
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1998 11:23:10 +0800
Sadly, I'm very unhappy.
You have known that I have not been sleeping well - for so long. You have also confessed that you're not so sensitive. I had also mentioned how unfairly I've been treated and how hurtful your actions or inactions have been. (Deleted) I have told you in detail the string of events because I have wanted to be constructive. I have thought and hoped that you can be constructive too. However, I still feel so hurt and unfairly treated - even on yesterday and this morning.
On Sunday night, you said you can't find much security being with me. Just because I quarrelled with you ? It's such an unfair comment. What security do I have in the first place - and all these while ? When we quarrelled, it was mostly because of something very trivial. And it's always not because of any faults of mine (at least, when the quarrels first happened) . But probably because you thought I could have been better. As I've said on Sunday night, so far, I can only get to understand you through (largely) my own heart and through you only. Because of the office setting and other restrictions imposed by you, couldn't you give me some leniency and compassion (other than passion) then ?
Nevertheless, I felt I could trust you. But this trust has been battered recently.
When you went to enjoy yourself that weekend, I knew you wanted and felt you just had to be with him then. I'm convinced about that because of your reactions to my silent attitude towards you. For instance, when you paged me and I ignored you, you didn't page anymore (which was unlike your usual self then). I did tell myself to give u the benefit of the doubt - which I did. But in reality, you confused me. Many times, you scolded me for not responding to your page promptly and you would always page me at least one more time. That night, you did not. So, if we look back in time to those arguments we had because of the pager (and it's so trivial), don't you think there is a double standard there ? So, how can our quarrels be the basis of any insecurity that you are probably feeling ? I only reacted - not that I didn't try to explain but you had always pushed things too far.
Just like Saturday night at Copthorne Orchid, you ignored and scolded me for something so trivial for not showing to you [deleted]. Actually, if u had wanted to be [deleted] together, it's fine with me. But I felt you [deleted] - and it hurt my ego.
And you know all along I am not comfortable to let u [deleted]. Later, I was very worried about you because you hurt yourself over such a trivial matter. And is that a fault of mine for getting worried about you ?For all the sensitivities (towards the restrictions you imposed and your demands for ready attention), trust, and passion towards you, you just had to quarrell with me over those trivial matters. And you don't just quarrell but you have been very violent. And you totally forgot who I am. Or do you actually know me (even tough you did have the privilege - which I couldn't have - of getting to know my family and friends) ? Or maybe suddenly, you forgot who I am first, then you picked on me ? I'm so confused because I can't have a frame of reference to your attitudes towards me and your behavior in general. So far, I can only get to understand you largely through my own heart and through you only. Couldn't you give me some leniency and compassion then ?
On Sunday night, because it was getting very late already, you said you wanted to talk to me again. But yesterday, you hinted you were telling him. I feel betrayed. (Deleted) You even suggested I thought about him. How could you ? How could I ? I gave my heart and my thoughtfulness fully. But seriously have they been taken for granted ? What about me ? I don't know what and how you want to put things to him. I feel so uncomfortable. Can't you at least tell me your objectives ? Do you know how to handle the situation ? Can't u at least tell me something more to suggest that I'm not left in the lurch (since I've been mature and fair to him to suggest that you ought to let him know) ? Can't you be more sincere to me ?
I feel so uneasy. And I have to fight this alone.
You said you want to talk tonight but I don't know when, how, and actually why. So, I've to wait. I don't mind and I can, but I feel something's missing. I'm very sad that this has to happen again shortly after the last time. You must already know that I've not been sleeping well at all. And you only said you wanted to talk tonight only after I called you again this morning. Actually, did u worry about me at all last night ?
I have to wait ? And you give him priority ? Can't you be more sincere to me ?
Why didn't you talk to me more before you tell him, as I had requested on Sunday night ? Can't you make me understand your approach so that I won't misunderstand you ? Or you misunderstanding yourself (since we have sticked it out together all this time) ? So that I know I have done my best on my side ? So that it's fair for me ? I feel so uneasy. You don't trust me ?
(Deleted)... you switched off on me.
I always feel that you are a very truthful person. But in actuality, how much truthful have you been ? I have opened myself to you fully. But have you been - in finding a fulfilling relationship between us ? Have you been constructive ?
What I've gotten from you is so little in comparison. For instance, can I actually hold your hands ? Can I actually date you ? Sad but true, I don't think you have actually accepted my dates - when I put it to you in that manner or when you interpreted it that way. Can I date you actually [1] ?
Sorry that I have too many questions. I know so little. And it's not been easy at all these 2 days.
Rather than asking me to say the three words to you, do you actually want me to love you ? Rather than you saying the three words to me (and so many times), do you actually love me (and as much as I love you) ?
I'm very very confused.
I'm very sad.
From: Me
To: "[eeeeeee]" <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: Why ?
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1998 11:00:29 +0800
I called you last night because I felt we could talk as a friend [1] [2].
Its not as if I don't know that he exists. If you treat me sincerely, I'll bow out if you want me to - even though I feel very sad and certainly not easy to accept. Remember those many times when I'd tried to give you up, you always took me back. Try asking yourself why you'd always taken me back. Why ? If you have wanted to break off, I will also have to respect that.
I value our friendship very much. I've told you and you know I've wanted to be your friend forever.
Hope you can call me at home before 1pm. Things can be better. After that, I'm going out and going away.
From: Me
To: "[eeeeeee]" <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject: Fw: Why ?
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1998 01:17:34 +0800
The key things I was looking for when I first requested that you call me this morning were
Sincerity & FriendShip
You seemed to have given me none.
It seems you din call me for a friendship between us. You're (as always) only doing the very minimum - i.e. just calling and picking on me. Hence, you did not offer to say anything to retrieve the friendship or it is just not important at all. Now I seem to know your true colours. You seem to be absolutely different from the person I thought I knew before we got together. Never could I have imagined you're a Poison Ivy. Maybe I should have listened to [sssssss], [iiiii], and [ccccccc]. Maybe you're just a playful girl and I should not have given u more than 1 week.
Maybe. I'm confused. And you know why.
I will want to win you back - any chance that it's possible at all. I still think your emotions are getting in the way again. You're a captive to your own emotions. I can understand all these now and I feel I've learnt to be much more understanding.
Hope you've chosen the better option - maybe not the right one. Also hope there's still a chance for us. Don't you know that I'm actually waiting all along for you to show care and concern for me ? Anyhow, you have my blessings. Sincerely.
I'll still want to treat you as a friend - and not just VALUE it.
All the best to you. You have my blessings. If you don't know why I can still give u my blessings ... guess you don't know love.
(Deleted) ... you have to let him know sooner or later. Or at the least, you could show me enough sincerity that you treat me as a friend. And I'll always respect your choice, especially if you have told me your choice sincerely. (Deleted)
Hope you can start to treat me like a friend.
Anyhow, I'm going to miss you a lot. Those happy moments together : having Karaoke, at Albert Complex Kingsland, LingZhi Rest, ECP, Sentosa, the Sweet & Sour Soup, Taka, Jap Rest, at the game courts, at my place, the [deleted] at the hotels on those occasions, etc.
My parents have been missing you. I'll not let them know what happened. I'll just say it's due to personality clash.
We have a serious misunderstanding. And hope that you have made your choice NOT because of your emotions.
Couples having arguments are quite common. It just requires both parties to work things out and thus, understand each other better.
I still hope we can be couples - working things out calmly together for the future.
You've said "I love you" to me many times. I know I've not said any.
As I've always said, I'll like to let the past be in the past. And I mean, the PAST. I've always been working at that.
I can only sum up my feelings for you:
I love you.
Sigh ... I don't even have a picture taken together with you. How depressing this is.
----------
> From: Me@ HOME
> To: [eeeeeee] <[eeeeeee]@>
> Subject: Why ?
> Date: Wednesday, December 23, 1998 11:00 AM
>
> I called you last night because I felt we could talk as a friend [1] [2].
>
> Its not as if I don't know that he exists. If you treat me sincerely,
I'll
> bow out if you want me to - even though I feel very sad and certainly not
> easy to accept. Remember those many times when I'd tried to give you up,
> you always took me back. Try asking yourself why you'd always taken me
> back. Why ? If you have wanted to break off, I will also have to respect
> that.
>
> I value our friendship [1] [2] very much. I've told you and you know I've wanted
to
> be your friend [1] [2] forever.
>
> Hope you can call me at home before 1pm. Things can be better. After
that,
> I'm going out and going away.
>
I phoned her many times. She said she had resigned (although we all knew that the company would not let her go) because I was always around. She wanted to go on a long tour. She said she will DEFINITELY see me to talk after she comes back. What's that ? Having me on again ? How could she say that ?
She said she had desires. She would buy herself out of the company and give short notice to quit if she had to. Was it been my fault then ? She had encouraged me and I did try to break off with her many times anyway.
Later, on Wednesday evening (23 Dec 1998), I managed to talk to someone who knew us. I should have talked to this person much earlier on but I had wanted to know her by being with her and understanding her. That evening, I was told she was having me on all those while! And she seemed (although I had been told but let's give her the benefit of the doubt) to have given other guy(s) false hopes before anyway. But she had definitely given me false hopes anyway!
The next day, I continued to call her to extend my friendship in the spirit of Christmas [1]. I felt the minimum I could try to right any wrongs was to give her the chance not to leave things so sour. I told her I was giving her my blessings again but she said if she was me, she would not! She would not!I told her I was giving her my blessings again but she said if she was me, she would not! She would not! I will never forget that.
(Finally, she took back her resignation. So, what happened to those desires ? What is she going to do to me to solve her "...because I was always around..." problem ? More betrayals and sneaky manoeuvres by her such as that selfish political voicemail [*] [VoiceMail Part1/4] [VoiceMail Part2/4] [VoiceMail Part3/4] [VoiceMail Part4/4] ?! Ask herself what she has done since .... !!!
)
From: "Me@ HOME"
To: "[eeeeeee]" <[eeeeeee]@>
Subject:
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1998 01:28:36 +0800
I don't understand.
You said you love me. And you know I love you a lot.
Then where's the problem ?
Can't we let any unhappy past be in the past ?
I hope we can be friends [1] [2] forever.
[eeeeeee]
12/24/98 11:05 AM
To: Me
cc:
Subject: Merry X'mas
Hi [Me]
My Christmas wish for this year is that we can become friends.
Merry Christmas to You!
[eeeeeee]
Me 12/24/98 11:37 AM
(Embedded image moved to file: PIC15082.PCX)
To: [eeeeeee]
cc:
Subject: Re: Merry X'mas (Document link not converted)
I've treated you as a friend [1] [2]. All this while. Even now. And forever.
It's you who can't and doesn't treat me like one. And you've never been.
Very disappointed.
Hope you've done what is right between you and him. And hope you know you're getting love from him. And you to him. You have my blessings.
I'm still waiting for you to treat me as a friend [1] [2]. Maybe there's a misunderstanding but you're doing nothing for our friendship [1] [2].
Very sad.
Just came back from the doctor's.
Me 12/24/98 12:49 PM
(Embedded image moved to file: PIC17986.PCX)
To: [eeeeeee]
cc:
Subject:
My Christmas wish can never be fulfilled - cannot be friend [1] [2].
You've given me the saddest Christmas [1].
Anyway, Merry Christmas
Me 12/24/98 01:16 PM
(Embedded image moved to file: PIC31192.PCX)
To: [eeeeeee]
cc:
Subject:
Need to say once again clearly: You cannot and don't want to be a friend [1] [2] with me.
Very sad.
Very sad Christmas [1].
[eeeeeee]
12/24/98 01:25 PM
To: Me
cc:
Subject: Re: (Document link not converted)
Please lah! It has not been easy for me too!
Even I can get a lot of X'mas wishes, this year won't be a joyous X'mas to me. So please stop wishing me Merry X'mas.
Then I would appreciate that.
Very arrogant! Couldn't she be kinder to me in the spirit of Christmas [1] ?!
(Via Voicemail)
Message received on December 30th at 10:05 pm :
[Me],
I'm [eeeeeee].
I know very thick-skinned now for making this call. But I've mustered a lot of courage before I make this call to you.
All the while, I've not ... apologised to you. I'm very sorry for the hurt you're going through now.
I really hope that if there's any chance that we can become friends.... I know I'm the one who gives up the chance in the first place when you had wanted to give me - a chance - but I did not cherish it.
Very sorry.
I really hope, in the future, we can become friends again. Huh .... Will you let me ?
Huh .. another thing I need to let you know and I think it's fair to let you know.
I told you before: I tendered my resignation, right ? I've ... I've withdrawn my resignation because Mrs [ssssss] simply would not accept my resignation.
Legally, she has no right to do so. But she did ... a lot of things for me. Mrs [ssssss] did a lot of things for me - that she wants to make me stay.
I know, you will not want to see me. That's why I think it's fair to let you know I'll be around. But If I could sense that, in any way, you do not want to see me, I will avoid you. I will not make this difficult for you.
(softly) That's all I want to say.
I wish you all the best in your Advanced Theory.
Bye.
She's tempting our fate !
She knew she hurt me! Although it was needless of her hurting me in those ways.
She spoke about being fair to me to let me know she's staying in the job.
Very selfish! Very cruel ! She was afraid I would not cooperate with her and she's guilty-conscious ? We knew the company would want to keep her long before anyway.
The whole world does not owe her EVERYTHING! Tried as I had wanted in the spirit of Christmas [1], she refused to give me friendship. Not even compassion! And now, she's expecting friendship from me ?
She had wanted to leave to hurt me badly. But by changing her mind to leave, she's only tempting our fates (she had betrayed me at the office before - even when we were together then).
A lot rests on me to stay calm and be forgiving even though she's the arrogant sort who would not be apologetic at all.
The first few months I was with the company, I was very much disturbed. I was encouraged but felt she was playing hard to get. Eventually, I was distancing myself from her. Later, I didn't want to start but she continued to draw me into her game. Then, I gave her cold shoulders many times but she took me back using various means : her health, the office setting, that "she loves me", etc.
Why ? Why did she take me back using her health, then hurt me shortly later ?
It's not a breakup that I'm hurt by. It's her wilful wilful ... ways ! The shock that she put me through ! And the trauma that I realised I had gone through ... all for nothing. Not even any friendship from her! Only her betrayals and the hurts that she sneaked up on me!
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